Tuesday, February 23, 2010

The Day Dave Stood Still for Music

There can exist no more subjective experience than that of music. The staccato baseline of the Chilli Peppers, the Soul grinding rhythm of Nirvana, the bestial tear of the ACDC riff, the roar of Black Sabbath, the acid laced lyrics of the Beatles, and the London Calling of the Clash. For a guy whose highest achievement in Music class was failing to belt out Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, I am surprised how much music has actually influenced not only my life philosophy, but how I identify with people around me.

How can I quantify my head bobs, how can I turn my foot tapping, finger pointing, neck distending beats into words?

Unfortunately, the music of today is no longer the passionate cry of those living on the fringe of society, but rather carbon copies of distilled popularity contests with the longevity of a carton of milk left in the sun. So what make my brain tick? What flicks that switch in my head that shuts off my public facade and turn me into a raging, screaming machine crying my throat coarse midst a wave of fleshy, sweating human bodies?

The problem with contemporary Pop music lies in its lack of depth - Pop is ambiance to cover up the hum of the refrigerator or the grunt of the engine.

 I can't seem to put myself into Pop music. A large part of my music is respect, worship, passion - how can I put so much of myself into an industry that milks its own trends tit-dry? How can I worship the willful idolatry of perceived hipness and marketed self expression? I may as well go to the zoo and masturbate over a mountain of monkeys aping eachother over the newest and latest innovations introduced by the zookeeper.

So I listen to a wide range of music, I love music in general, but; the hipster music of the blacks, the fish faced gook music of Asia, the soulless mewling of lounge/cocktail/club have no purchase on my soul. They fail to move me even if they bob my head and flash perfect 36 DDs in my face.

Okay, maybe not the entire truth. The tit-ass combination of R&B or the lolita-complex music of Asia does keep me keenly interested - albeit for all the wrong reasons. 

 I am going to evaluate two concerts I attended recent. The first is the Jay Chou Concert, the second the AC/DC concert. One I went grudgingly, wishing to give it the benefit of the doubt. The other I went passionately, a dream come true. There will be bias, there will be harsh words, there will be prose, but at the end, you will come to see the difference between vile idolatry and faithful worship.

So - Jay Chou. Biggest, brightest star of the Chinese/Asian pop scene. He sings, he dances, he plays music in every style. His 'critics' call him a genius, a pioneer, a superman of music that has brought change and innovation to the stale snail race that is Asian Pop. Wow. This guy sounds pretty damn awesome. I got some free tickets from my friends to his sold out concert - he certainly seems to deserve benefit of the doubt.

The concert plays, the music plays. I was left hopelessly confused. So many themes, so many costumes, so much bullshit that I thought it was some kinds of Boy from Oz ripoff Asia edition. Who the fuck is this guy? Innovation? His catalog was like a shopping cart that crashed into the 'Whats Popular" warehouse. First some generic Chinese style music, than some generic imitation of Indie Rock, then some imitation of Latin music where he did not even dance to his own song, then some imitation of ancient Chinese classic music, then some imitation of kindergarten music involving holding hands and walking down a field of fucking flowers. I shit you not. THIS is innovation? THIS is class? THIS is the great yellow hope of Asian music? The emo haircut faggot fails to even touch the helm of barely known western artists like Anti-Flag or home brew bands like Eskimo Joe. He is like a super synthesis of pop, some kind of uber-mensch production that like a bloated black hole has consumed every revenue generating format and spat out a fetal discharge self titled an artist. The fucker even considers himself to the progenitor of a new Asian Fusion style. I quote. "They say I've been standing still ... but this is the music I want, and I don't see what I want by moving ahead."[18] To demonstrate his point, he named his 2006 album Still Fantasy after his 2001 album Fantasy. His inability to sing pronunciation has been criticized as "mumbling"[19] which he also insisted will not change. So this guy is proud because his inability to improve is a merit and he can tell his critics to go suck themselves because he is some monstrous cash generator. Nice. Viva la Music. He is also considered one of only three artists on the Asia TIME's list of most influential top 500. God help us all.


On the other hand, here's what I experienced at the AC/DC concert. The stage opened; a heavy, soul crushing riff of the baseline belted from the hands of Cliff Williams made me sit on the edge of my seat. There was on costumes for this concert, no gimmicks, just Angus in his classic school boy uniform and Brian in the classic slingback hat. Then Angus begins, the camera focused on his hands as it caresses the electric Gibson SG. He makes love to it, he trashes it, he crushes it, belts the strings, swinging notes through the air in sonnets. I am wowed, I am stirred, I shout at the top of my voice. ANGUS! ANGUS! The hits keep coming. Then the all familiar riff of Thunderstruck starts. My mind goes blank. I am taken to one of my earliest musical memories. I am sitting in front of my Pentium 1. I have downloaded a clip of Thunderstruck. It plays, and the sound of ANGUS! ANGUS! Fills my room. The camera pans, and the riff begins. Its epic. Its awesome. Its amazing. As a teenager I stare at the screen, sitting at the edge of my seat.

I only had two ten dollar speakers but I was sucked into the music body and soul. Now I sit in the stadium, the same riff playing but it's loud; its savage; it tears through me like a torrent. Angus performs his classic duck walk, the crowd around me goes wild, the cheering is so loud but the thrashing of the electric SG pierces the roar. Thunder! I shout. THUNDER! I scream. The baseline kicks in, the drums hit home. I have died and gone to a better place. No more timetables, no more worries about the future, no more nagging from the old man, no more marriage meetings. I am in heaven via the Highway to Hell. This is it. 

For a guy stuck between gook Confucianism and western Individualism, my escape is music. Ever since my virgin ears heard Californication on the radio as a teenager I was hooked. I need music that inspires, and musicians that I respect. Currently, I love Muse. Go Check em out. This video was before they were even famous. Now - they are EPIC.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Chapter One and Two Combined, Edited

I

The Major and I sat in a dinky shadowy cell below the prison complex under Bridge Street. Above us the streets hummed with the most metropolitan of machines carrying the most cosmopolitan of people. The droning of internal combustion motor cars jarred the foot falls of one-man rickshaws.


 

The Major was slowly working his way through a hipflask of Whiskey. A red faced Englishman of mixed kingdom descent, he is the new regional inspector and superintendent for the Bund. The most prominent feature anyone noticed of the Major was his piercing aquamarine eyes. They were a mismatched set, for his face was puffed and large, almost swollen and too voluptuous for a man. This is not to say that the Major was portly, for he could move with surprising speed and voracity for a man of his bearing. Indeed the Major was widely respected as an expert if un-gentlemanly fencer, and has quite the reputation among the ladies for his prowess with either sword or bobby stick. The Major was old English through and through, and arrogance bred between the hawkish nose and predatory brows of a cruel man. Yet the Major's eyes softened his expression, giving him the guise of a jolly fellow. The light of the electric lamp reflected in their azure depth spoke only of sympathy and forgiveness, but I knew the man to be above any and all sentiments. The Major by my knowledge was as viperous as the taipan, whose venom is considered foremost of the modern world.

"Well Charles? Made up your mind yet?" His voice died away in echoes.
The prisoner seemed unconscious. I knelt and placed a finger under the prisoner's chin, measuring the gulping pulse of his arteries. My fingers drew away with dark sticky blood. I expertly wiped the offending appendage on my surgical apron and pulled back the prison's eyes. The pupils contracted as the light above him flared with electric brilliance. A small piece of cool metal beneath his nostrils became opaque with condensation.

"He's still alive Major." I replied wearily, "It is my professional opinion that you cease interrogating this man at once lest you have nothing left to interrogate."
The Major spread his hands as through exasperated by the effort.
"Do I look like I want to be here Doctor?"

"Old Allenby of the Telephone Corp is holding a party at the American Club you know, I dare say his lovely daughters are attending."

"It is neither your place nor mine to judge Major."I replied sulkily, "As a civil servant of the British Empire, I can tell you right now..."

The Major's eyes gazed into mine with all the sincerity of a hyena at a wounded gazelle. I inspected the dusty, sooty floor of the prison. The saw dust was old, and it was smeared with bloody mud. My sleeve also had the same smear of dark red oxide. The cell stank.

"We are not condoned to perform torture, and testimonials extracted as such are not useful in the court of law."I stammered without looking up.

The prisoner mouthed something. I could not make out what he said. I never did learn the native tongue, having seen no need for it to ply my trade. The locals always supplied me with willing interpreters. The Major signed, as if I were the cause of the prisoner's lack of cooperation.


"Wei, ask him again what he knows." The Major commanded. From the recess of the underground bloc appeared a young native man. He was dressed in the crisp blue of the Treaties Police regiment. The stripes on his shoulders said Sergeant. "I am not a violent man Charles. I can't stomach this and we're late enough for Lord Allenby's tea as it is."

The prisoner gargled something in his native tongue as Wei approached, his body spoke of great terror. My chest twisted with sympathy. As Wei crouched to greet the man eye to eye, I noticed the dry, dark stains on Wei's otherwise white gloves. The same brown flecks spoke volumes on his uniform.

Wei said something to the man in the Shanghainese dialect. He is asking the man if he knew a Mr Du.

The prisoner seemed reluctant to answer but then Wei placed a soiled hand over his, and with great firmness took the man's hand in his. The prisoner shuddered. His entire frame like some great force had set the man to jittering. When Wei next spoke, it was in English.

"Did Mr Du supply you with this Opium?"He demanded of the prisoner with only a hint of accent. Wei produced a wooden snuff box no larger than my palm. He waved it in front of the prisoner like a talisman. The prisoner's eyes followed the box. I drew back. The Major had the same bored look on his face.

The prisoner opened one bleary eye and his mouth moved. I could not make out the words. Nevertheless it was evident by the look of defiance on his face. He would not yield. A moment of silence passed among the interrogators. To my surprise Wei patted the man on the shoulder, as though the prisoner had completed some arduous task.


 

Wei stood and turned to face the Major.
"He has confessed." Wei said solemnly. "Du has supplied him with the illicit Opium."

Behind him the prisoner evidently understood what Wei declared. He trashed against his bindings, attempting to kick Wei. His legs were out of reach however.
"You are certain Sergeant?" The Major asked.

His blue eyes were steely in the electric lamplight.
"Yes sir, very much sir. I will have the report for you shortly Sir."
"Well then let us attend the much anticipated tea."

"I would hate to keep Lord Allenby waiting too much longer."
The communication between Wei and the Major was obvious even to me. I felt a knot in my stomach and bile in my throat. The prisoner squirmed in a frenzied fury. It was my duty to do something. I coughed.

"Major, I do believe it is my responsibility as the attaché to the consul to... "The Major stopped me short. He hooked my arm in his and moved. I was dragged like ragdoll to his gravitational girth. The prisoner gave a long wail of utter and pure despair. His cry echoed between the buttresses of the prison like some deathly harpy croaking its last.

"We'll leave the monkeys to sort each other out."

"You look terrible Charles, let us refresh and change into something more suitable for the Club."
I looked back at the cell. Wei gave a deep reverent bow. He was sending me on my way. I wanted to help the prisoner; but already the dim light of the cell had consumed all in darkness.


 

The clang of the cell gates gave way to the monstrous stir of Shanghai city. A motor car was waiting for us outside and called for the Major by name. Still dazed and my mind full of the last desperate wails of the prisoner I entered in a daze, and the car set off against the malingering sun towards the French Concession.


 

Half a century ago this same place would be a quagmire, and we would be stomping through frogs and lobsters vying for supremacy among the tresses of swamp grass. Now it is one of the most populous cities in the world, sixth to London with its multitude of eight million souls, Shanghai pooled at three million or so.


 

I arrived in Shanghai in the spring of 1931, upon the deathbed of the once glorious Manchurian Empire. By then the city was a blooming hibiscus, although I had never considered it more than what it really was – the corpulent blossom of the titanic Rafflesia.


 

I had originally supposed this Eden to be my escape. It had drawn many like me who fatigued by the chaffing bosoms of our London had escaped unto the exotic Yellow Land, the oyster of the Orient. Yet the sins of our fathers seem to follow my people wherever we go, and yet again I find myself in another prison, another helpless witness to the slaughter of lambs.

Beside me, the Major gazed out longingly into the harbour. There among a multitude of vessels sailed the behemoths visages of our finest steam ocean liners. Beside them floating like a swarm of upturned cicadas were multitudes of Sampans – small Chinese vessels that traded fruit, fish and scavenged bounties of the China Sea.


 

"They live on the boats all their lives you know." I pointed to the small Sampans and Junks that drifted among the gigantic hulls of international liners. "They live and die on their boats even in this day and age."

The Major snickered and felt his pocket for his flask. Remembering that he had drained it previously, he grunted and stretched his plump neck uncomfortably.
"Barbarians - the lot of them."

"You should take a boat across the bund on Sunday night." My eyes were drawn to the dark red stains still lingering like a bookmark on my sleeves. "The sight of a thousand lanterns lighting up the entire harbour is quite the dazzling sight."


 

Our motor car powered and weaved through the six lane thoroughfare of Consul Street. The British Consulate loomed across the Public Gardens handsomely. It was a testament to the power of Britain that we constructed the most marvellous city in the world on a derelict swamp. Across Soochow Creek was the Nanking Boulevard of the Bund commercial district. The harbour entrance into Shanghai was one of the most dashing civic welcomes known to modern civilisation. Large park spaces dotted by ladies both native and foreign stood among shaded lanes and coy parkland that flanked either side of the main buildings. Here the Consulate and the Custom house, two of the most striking and important buildings in Shanghai proper stood like twin giants watching over the prospering city. The bank houses of corporations such as the Hong Kong Bank and the Shanghai Bank all have their stake on this prime estate. Atop the white perch of the Custom House sat a clock that is seconded only by our very own Big Ben – this one aptly named by the locals as the Big Ching - the latter word a local translation of the pictogram depicting the defunct Manchuria Empire.


 

A large statue of Sir Robert Hart can be seen as we passed the Customs Building. Sir Hart was once the guardian to the heir apparent of the last line of Manchurian emperors - he was also the Inspector General of Shanghai in its early days. Sir Heart was a man whose actions paved way for the building of this very city.


 

South among the stretch of Nanking Road is the Shanghai Club, the favourite haunt of old expats and well to do businessmen. It hosted the 'longest bar in the world' as yet contested by any, but enjoyed the most success during the years when our United State trading partners abolished alcohol in their own nation, and the sailors rushed into Shanghai like packs of wolves. The Consul tells me that those days were so chaotic what with sailors and loose law enforcement; to be 'Shanghai-ed" was to wake up after a wasted evening on a ship set sail without knowing how one got there. Indeed, a gut feeling told me that the Major would be far more interested in the Shanghai Club than another other culturally significant event I could prescribe him.

"Ah... The fabled Shanghai Club..."

The Major sighed lustily.
"Perhaps an inspection of the facilities Major?" I anticipated. I would much rather see the Major drunk off his rock than back at the prison.
"Such is the nature of my... our dedication to her majesty's subjects!"

The Major roared. My ears rang. He slapped my thigh with a meaty paw.

"You are a good man Charles."

I forced my tongue into silence, seeing the Major's red jolly face loom outside the window as we passed the club. "Of course Major, it would be a pleasure.

I pulled my sleeve over the white collar of my dress shirt. The prints of dried blood were so vivid I could make out the prisoner's fingerprints. "

"Charles."

"Yes Major?"I replied.
"You physicians are too soft hearted Charles."

"Why do you say that Major?" I asked, but his was a statement.

"Don't ever forget that we are invaders Charles. We are colonists. Just like every other piece of land we claimed as our own, we are not welcome here. We do not 'live' here Charles, we are just pirates here to nab what we can."

"A bleak view Major," I reply, confused by his sudden nostalgia.

"We are fighting a war Charles, and don't you forget that."

"The rebellion is over years ago Major. We also have a treaty with the Japanese who has consented to sparing the international settlement and the Concession."

"It has only begun my deluded Doctor, and London will neither bow to the natives here nor their yellow belly cousins."

"I am here to see to our best interests' doctor, and I'll be damned to see Du rise above the rest of our own people."

"I am not a violent man Charles, but don't you dare step on my toes again."

"Very good Major," I replied sulkily. "God help us all."

I had prepared to give the Major a well recounted tour of the city as we made our way to my residence in the French Concession; his dark sentiments however weighed oh my mind and the remaining minutes of our journey went silently despite the roaring commerce of Nanking Road.


 

***


 

Lord Allenby's estate was situated near the old race course, but presently we made our way along Foochow Road and towards the American Club. The project was a paradox of new and old, the buildings of a French Colonial make, with tall columns and intricately decorated sandstone bricks build in the late eighteen hundreds. The recent decades however had seen the area revitalised by the sickening amount of wealth stealing into Shanghai from every inch of the Orient, with every bank declaring their vaults taxed to the brim and needing new buildings simply to house their success. As such, the Shanghai Municipal Council had redeveloped the area, and now standing on Kiang-se Road and Honan Road intersections are the Metropolitan Hotel, The Hamilton House, as well as the Council Chambers and the Central Police station. Each massive construct loomed ever higher than its neighbours, and on certain hours of the day the entire avenue was dwarfed in the shadow of its own glory.


 

The entrances of the American Club were massive column of Romanesque statues that directed visitors into the foyer. Reflecting perhaps the more modern thinking of the Americans themselves, the membership of the club were open to both non nationals and select locals of particular wealth, even a few noted women. A host of Negro and Orient waiters in suit and dress-pants bowed deeply as we exited the motor car. The driver was directed by a valet, and well groomed pages speaking accented English followed on our heels as we entered. In the grand foyer stood a large statue of George Washington, both in commemoration of the American national event, as well as a reminder to visitors of the popular Annual Washington Ball held in July.


 

The Major, recently appointed and recently arrived in Shanghai was a popular figure at these parties. The bourgeois of Shanghai noble life differed vastly from those back in London. Here money was everything, and as such the oligarchy of the pearl of Asia measured each other by wealth rather than lineage. There was hardly a lord or lady to be found in their ranks, yet their wealth in Shanghai spoke with succinct distinction. As such the Major, whom I am lead to believe to be a close relative of the Marquis of Queensbury or relation to that pedigree cut a tight figure in the circles of false genteels whom likened themselves to, but seldom was; anyone of any lineage.


 

As far the nouveau riche go, the American club was filled with industrialists and artists, the best and loudest of Shanghai's crème de la crème, tip of the top, apple of the eye; peacocks among peasants.


 

Through the foyer we went and up the flights of stairs with their dazzling multitudes of chandlers. The Chinese were wonderful craftsmen, and not an inch of the Club was not without some decor of sculpt or polish that reflected the glowing orbs of hung crystal.


 

We entered the antechamber with our following of pages, and as we ascended glasses were raised towards the Major. From the multitudes of cocktail suits and folded silk dresses Lord Allenby erupted with an almighty "What ho! Major!"


 

I made a detour towards the balcony and pilfered a rogue sherry from a passing waiter. Behind me the sound of applause and the crisp foot fall of leather boots could be heard herding towards the ecstatic Major. Outside the day was dying, and a rosy glow hung over the Shanghai horizon. Unlike England Shanghai had the extremes of both winter and summer, and the spring air was but a prelude to the sticky hotness of monsoonal summer that lurked around the corner.


 

A few ladies had taken up residence in the balcony garden but there were still a few empty tables lingering among the sea of dresses, each more lavishing than its predecessor. One face lifted from the crowd with a look of recognition. I recognized her as Sybil, the wife of Mr Westwood whom came into his fortunes in timber and shipbuilding.

"Doctor Davis!"

"Do join us for a drink."

Mrs Westwood chirped. She was a delightful woman, but terribly obsessed with money.
"Mrs Westwood," I took a step in her direction and took up residence upon their table. There were other ladies present. Mrs Wentworth was of the General Electric Company. Mrs Dorbelein was of the Bullion Brokers. The women of our decadent court only spoke to those of similar wealthy distinction.

"I do hope Mr Du will be along shortly."

"I find him terribly frightening."

"Not to mention fascinating."

"I do hope he will demonstrate his Chiromancy again!"

"Do you think he will bring Miss Nina along?"

"I dare hope not! She's far too impertinent for a party like this! Lord Allenby has enough scandal as it is!"

"I heard that Mr Du is going to become an honorary member of the German Club."

"Oh the Germans are such spoil sports what with the war and all that; it's a shocking surprise they even have the gall to be still in the city!"

"I dare say Mrs Westwood, that you have a very fair necklace."

"Ah, it pleases me that you noticed Mrs Wentworth, Jerald ordered it from Mr Dufour."

I look up for a moment. The necklace was beautiful indeed. Precious stones had been set into a polished crescent arc. It hug snugly on Mrs Westwood and reflected her eyes beautifully.

"Mr Dufour of three-fourteen Bridge Street?"

"Indeed Mrs Wentworth."

"You husband must love you very much Mrs Westwood."

"I wouldn't care for a husband that paid too much attention Mrs Wentworth."

"It would be horribly boring if Mr Dorbelein guarded me jealously, why I would be bored out of my mind."

"It is terribly scandalous how jealous husbands can get now days Mrs Westwood."

"I wouldn't know Mrs Wentworth. I rarely ever seen mine, but I know he loves me for the little gifts that men so adorably lavish upon their loved ones."

Mrs Westwood's dress was sheer. It was the style for the upcoming summer with it sweltering heat. Mayhap Mrs Westwood wanted to show off her necklace, that she exposed her white shoulders. I found myself mesmerised by the shimmering of the metal against the voluptuous curve of her significant cleavage.

"Care for a Manzanilla Sherry Doctor? Lord Allenby had it imported from Sanlúcar de Barrameda."

A white gloved finger prodded my arm. I stir with a flustered look. My face flushed. The women laugh. I do not laugh with them but there is a strange calmness when I sit here. The nouveau rich women upheld the mask of respectability religiously. Yet they were so obviously shallow and callous, like perfect reflections of our degenerate existence upon the fat of Asia. I was among the most honest of company.


 

I engaged with the ladies for a moment more then took the excuse of refilling my drink to excuse myself. As I entered the double doors to the tea chamber opens and a Chinese man entered with an entourage of two tall heavy framed Russians. The White Russians had arrived in Shanghai some half decade prior, fleeing from their Bolshevik cousins in the north. Few arrived with money, and many if not all were forced to find employment within the international quarters. Those well versed in the European languages became clerks and foremen, while those less intellectually inclined became thugs and bodyguards for well to do entrepreneurs wanting a show of force. The most common employ for the immigrants however were the dancing parlours and burlesque shows, where the fair skinned Russian girls had set the bar. Impressive as the two brutes were, all eyes were on the thin framed Chinese man who stood in the middle. This was the infamous Mr Du.


 

Du Yue-Sheng stood as the most influential Chinese man in the entire city of Shanghai. He was not only one of the wealthiest men on the avenue, but also the unspoken Lord of the Shanghai underworld. The king of the Green Gang Mafia was the Opium Magnate, the Gangster Chief, and known to all as the Al Capone of Shanghai. He was a man with a finger in every pie and a hand in every pocket. During the capture of Shanghai by the Generalissimo Chiang, Du had amassed over five thousand men to defend the foreign settlement areas – for which he was awarded the Order of the Brilliant Jade by the British Consul; then Du was awarded the Commission of Opium Suppression Bureau awarded for his services to the French Concession. Subsequently when the Superintendent of Chinese Customs Loh Lien Kwe attempted to seize Du's opium shipment and drive him from power, he was gunned down in front of his own family. Woe unto any who would stand in Du's way. Both Consuls of England and France needed Du to control the Chinese gangs in their settlements, and the Customs house needed Du to continue the flow of endless Opium into and out of the Orient. The city is a deaf machine, and it needed Du to turn its cogs. The mass of Chinese now flooding into the wet works of the International and French Concessions made it impossible for the foreign invaders to maintain their lifestyle without them. The docks are flooded with Chinese workers, the factories fill with Chinese labour, every shop and extravagance is provided for by the Chinse people. Du was untouchable in Shanghai, and his presence is the one guarantee of any social event.


 

At once the attention lavished upon the Major turned to the gangster lord. The man greeted his foreign counterparts each to each, speaking in turn through French, English and German. I had heard that Du made his beginnings as the son of a fisherman; but seeing the smoothness upon which he impresses his contemporaries in their own native tongues; this was difficult to believe. The gangster lord had a face that seemed to be hewed out of stone, it was expressive but at the same time cold, as though the flesh barely understood the gestures it made. He had narrow eyes common to his people, but a strong square jaw and unusually large full lips. What defined Du however were his ears that protruded from the flanks of his face like two large fans. I had heard the natives refer to him as "Big Ears Du" albeit the implications of such a nickname I knew not.

At long last the Major made his way to the front of the line, and his benevolent blue eyes met the stone cold gaze of the Chinaman that seemed miniscule beside him. The Major extended a hand from his uniform, his palm pink from the liberal drinking of sherry and port. Du extended from the folds of his satin China dress pants a hand as white as bone and as skeletal as the Major's was meaty. The room held its breath as the hands clasped; the thin bone China of Du's meeting the pink hot flesh of the Major. They shook.


 

"Titans gather my friends; shall we assail Mt Olympus then?
Lord Allenby exploded as if on cue with a bout of high pitched laughter.
"Your jests are excellent as always Counsellor Du..."

Counsellor – Du was the chairman of the Opium board. Currently he is also the French Municipal Council President. Lord Allenby roared. Du was a wolf in sheep's clothing. The Major was a hyena disguised as a guard dog. The Major and the Gangster were natural enemies.


 

"I trust you have had an eventful morning."

The Major barked loudly, enough to silence the uncomfortably forced laughter of Lord Allenby. The Major is referring to the arrests he made at the docks. It is there that he retrieved the prisoner.
"Certain trouble at the docks, indeed."

Du's voice was reedy and flat.

"May I be of any service?"
"I would not dream of it Major, you are too important a busy man to deal with such trivial matters."
"It is my duty to the crown to keep the peace."
"Mere upstarts, Major, there is nothing for you to worry about."
"Upstarts are the precise worry that I am all about Mr Du."
"Yet this is a city of upstarts Major, we live but for our dreams."
"Dreams are not for fulfilling Mr Du, which is why they are dreams."
"Surely not Major... this is the city of dreams, the Oyster of the Orient."
"The Oyster farm is already spoken for, Mr Du."
"Yet the farmer must pay the landlord, Major."

Lord Allenby was sweating buckets. His face was the colour of pork liver.
"Gentlemen?" He pleaded.

A knock at the door interrupted the tension of the moment. A messenger in the uniform of a constable saluted. It was a messenger for the Major. The Major withdrew his azure gaze from Du. He took the missive from the hands of the nervous native policemen. He read it quickly and passed it to me. The missive read as follows.


 

Prisoner 249 confirmed deceased by self inflicted asphyxiation


 

    Your Orders?

                    -Wei

The Major quivered. His face flushed. I did not enjoy the Major's company in anyway, but I could not let the Major make a scene. I placed a hand on his forearm. The Major looked into my eyes with his cold blue eyes. I looked away.


Behind us the musicians began to play another tune. Lord Allenby was trying his best to lighten the mood. The Major turned to dismiss his constable. Du raised a toast to the Major. My grip on the Major's forearm tightened. After a momentary pause the Major toasted likewise.
"Well played for a Monkey."

The Major spoke in my direction. I replied nothing.


 

In a way, the Orients had slowly been gaining what little of their land we took during the Opium Wars. At the present moment, there are five British, two Americans, two Japanese and Five Chinese members at the council of the International Settlement. Even the French with their abhorrent attitude of all things non Frankish had no less than four Chinamen advisors to the French Consul, lord and totalitarian sovereign of his domain. The matter was powder keg politics and could not be avoided. Like the decadent Greeks of old we had grown fat on the toil of the slaves. Now like the Romans we were terrified of the fact that more slaves lived in our own homes than our own people. As early as the 1880s mercantile firms like the East India Company and the Sassoon's Steam Trading Company had exploited the naivety of the natives into selling their exotic cargo, hiding the secrets of silk that they pilfered and stockpiling precious metals like mythical dragons. It is only natural perhaps that having displayed the wealth we stole in such a grand gesture as that of everything within Shanghai, the locals justly wanted a piece of the pie for themselves.


 

This manifested violently as four Chinamen rioters were shot dead by our own peace keeping forces. Latter the dissent again reared its ugly head as the Bloody May Riot of 1925 where the Boxer troubles saw Louza Police Station guttered by fire and several of our nationals murdered in cold blood. The strike that followed saw twenty four Chinese killed and thirty or so wounded. It was then and only then that both the French Concession and the International Treaty Zone consented to Chinese representation on their council, and their influence had grown ever since.

The truth of it all was that we can no longer live without Shanghai. The city had pampered us, cradled us like babies. Almost all of us whom lived our lavish top of the tier lives were nobodies in our native homes. Third and forth sons of inheritance families lived like kings here, minor nobilities were treated like kings and queens. Exotic dancing girls hung onto every willing shoulder, banks boiled over with trading bills. Drinks and decadence flowed like rich brandy bloodily down the alleyways of the Bund. We were as much prisoners of necessity as prisoners of our vices. We fled from our troubles at the home front. Here everyone had their oyster, everyone had their clean slate, and everyone enjoyed new lives built upon the bent backs of the yellow river and its Orient natives.


 

The sound of soft bell like laughter broke the recitation of my Roman paranoias. It had issued from the dining hall. Du was surrounded by the 'lords and ladies' of the court. He had Lord Allenby's hand in his palm, and was speaking in a private voice that reached no further than present company. Driven by curiosity, I made my way towards the throng surrounding Du.
"Doctor Davis!"
It was the voice of Mrs Westwood. She looked quite excited.

"Do come see this Doctor Davis, Mr Du is showing us the ancient art of Chiromancy!"
The word was a fashionable description of palm reading, a charlatan profession growing popular among superstitious foreigners too drunk with the wine of Asia to recall their own Gods. I joined the circle. Du spoke in his usual manner of flatness.


 

"I must remind you Lord Allenby that this is no means of foretelling the future, but merely a glimpse into the possibilities etched onto your hand by life and creed."

"Of course Mr Du, I wouldn't dream of it."

"If you would please bend your palm Lord Allenby..."

The crowed cooed as Du traced a finger of the lines of Allenby's moist palm.

"Concerned about the welfare of others. Having ambition as due your station. Great charity for those less fortunate. A little too much preference for the liqueur. Quick to anger, but also passionate."

"Very good Mr Du!"

"You are a fortunate man Lord Allenby."
"How so Mr Du?"

"To have survived two affairs that almost cost your life Lord Alleby."
"Go on Mr Du."

"Pray tell when I should stop Lord Allenby."

"I shall. Mr Du."

"To have survived two affairs that accosted your life."

"Having a sickly childhood, struck by... small pox when you were ten... no... twelve.

"Having little success until you had become a man, built your personal empire."

"Yet coming into immense fortune after your thirtieth year."

"You are man most devoted to your wife. You love the crown."

"Devoted to religion too I see... and you are soon to travel abroad... but you are unsure if it is the right action to take."

Du paused.
"Lord Allenby, how was I?"

Lord Allenby's face quivered with excitement.

"Spectacular!"
"You really must try my wife Mr Du, she's adamant to never trust in the Orient arts!"

Du leaned closer to Lord Allenby.

"Second Wife... Lord Allenby."

Allenby blinked and smiled but for a second.

"Extraordinary! Mr Du, I can see why your enemies fear you so!"

"On the same note Lord Allenby, I would hold off your shipment of Cotton until the German winter. Word on the grapevine speaks loudly of a growing deutschmark, and a lack of agricultural goods."

Allenby made an O with his mouth and took Du's hand appreciatively.
"Truly a saint Mr Du!"

"We are but mortals Lord Allenby!"

The crowd observed Du with a strange reverence.

There were two reactions from his observers. One group surrounded Du with squeals of delight; begging to have their palms read. Others sulked away hiding their hands, as if fearing that Du should catch a glimpse of their lives. Mrs Dorbelein announced that she would have her palm read over her dead body. Her contemporaries laughed mockingly. Lord Hillshire, the English Consul's Secretary refused to even remove his gloves. All in all It was an amusing state of affairs.


 

Du Yue-Sheng however is a very serious man. I am positive the gangster lord possessed no supernatural skills, and had merely done his homework. Maids and butlers are paid poorly in Shanghai. A few dollars for a few words was too good an offer to refuse.


 

At the last thought, a pair of sleek leather shoes with a fantastic polish tapped before my downcast eyes. The all too familiar shoes gleamed horribly, looming from the edge of the all too familiar satin dress suit. Du Yue-Sheng stood before me; his small frame seemed like an eclipse that blotted out the chandelier sun.

"Doctor Davis, our one altruistic missionary in a world of sin."

"I fear I am merely mortal Sir." I reply drily. Du stops a few inches from my face. The man exudes a coolness that is almost tangible. His eyes are a predator's.

"Do you know the art of Chiromancy Doctor Davis."
I replied that I did. "I am not much into this sort of superstitious sport I fear Mr Du."

"Please call me Sheng, Mr Davis. May I call you Charles?"

"As you wish Mr Du."

"Please, Charles."

"Of course, Sheng," My pronunciation is terrible, and the name slithers from my lips without the plosive emphasis that the locals annunciate so readily.

Du wants something form me. That much is clear. However, he does not ask. I stand, feeling like an ant standing on a slowing heating grill. My mind is blank. I do not know what to say to him. Will he be insulted? What could the opium kingpin want from me?

"A palm reading, Doctor Davis?"He asked. Or rather, demanded. Knowing I cannot refuse.

I extend a sweaty hand. Du takes it. Surprisingly, we seem to be alone. No one is interested in the fate of a mere employee.

"The pleasure is mine Mr Du." I say without thinking.

"Sheng Dr Davis."

I nod.

Du's fingers are rough. They are the hands of a working man. Skeletal they are, but very firm. My own hands are soft, the hallmark of a man who has never seen labour in his life.
"Let's see here... a very strong lifeline Doctor, and a robust line of fortunes."

"Your father was in the same profession. You became a doctor unwillingly. You are a conservative man. You believe strongly in justice."

He looks at me imploringly.

"Yes."I reply.

"A childhood of separations and less than pleasant memories. Family troubles follow where you go. You are now alone here, with no relations."

"Yes."I reply.

"You have a lover Doctor. Two I dare say. Yet you love no one."

"Yes."I reply.

"You love nothing Doctor."

His fingers dig into the palm of my right hand. One index runs past the upper crease of my palm. It is where the life line and the career line cross.
"Your fortunes are changing Doctor."

"Are they? ... Sheng?" I ask.

Du released my hand.

"Do you consider me a bad man doctor?"

His face is impassive.

"I do not believe there are bad men, Sheng."I reply. "Only desperate men doing desperate deeds."

"Do you consider my occupation... evil Doctor?"

His face again, is impassive. I look down at his gleaming shoes. I dare not meet his eyes. I fear that should I peek into the abyss, the darkness may look back.
"I do not know Sheng."I reply.

"Too conservative as always, my good Doctor."

He smiles, as if having caught a little piece of me.

"Doctor... you are close to the Major."

It was a statement. A foreboding moment came over me.

"I am not."I reply.

"You are too modest, Doctor."

Du smiles, the expression on his face cracking his otherwise porcelain stoicism. He taps one of my hands. One he previously examined.

"There is a dark, terrible secret in this hand Doctor."

My face remained passive. It was a bluff.

"To see the world in a grain of sand, and a heaven in a Wild Flower, Hold infinity in the palm of your hand, and eternity in an hour."

Blake - A fitting verse. Coming from Du however, the effect was jarring.

"The city is a clock Doctor."

"We are the clogs that power it."

"Some cogs are more important than others Sheng." I reply.

"Perhaps, Doctor, yet each must play their parts."

The question on my lips begged to be asked.

"What is my part in this Mr Du?" I asked.

He smiles mysteriously.

"Enjoy the party Doctor."

Du turns away and returns to the life of the party. I felt no appetite for food or drink, and excused myself to retirement. The music fades as I made my way into the lobby. I declined the valet's offer of the Major's motor car and called for a one man taxi. The world was grey as I made my way down the hustle and bustle of Consul Road.


 


 



 

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Prelude to Nano Writing

Foreword

The most influential text on my life this year is the "Tradition in the Modern Age" and "The Human Condition" extracts by Hanna Arendt. The extract discussed that in the modern life, there are no boundaries that once classified us as individuals, but rather mere consumers of a giant, sentient machine. In essence, to draw upon a humorous extract by Terry Pratchett, we live in a crab pot.

The crab-pot is a large pot, iron by option, of crabs. These crabs, be they mud crabs, snow crabs, or even small beach crabs all pile on top of one and another, crawling, snipping, snapper and skittering. Within this crab-pot is the world we call life. You see, the crabs have a particular habit, in that should any crab seek to escalate the sides of the pot, and they are conditioned by their crabbiness in such a way as to crawl towards the elevated crab. The high achieving crab however, cannot possibly take the weight of his mates, and thus, a tangle of crabs fall back into the pot. This, and indeed I have seen tubs, basins, and foam boxes thereof, is the reason crab-pots have no lids.

Life then, as described by the masterful Pratchett and supplemented by the significantly more academic words of Arendt perfectly echoes the modern crab-pot world. The poor buggers at the bottom are crushed by the weight of the crab-swarm, those in the middle aim to climb atop the crab swarm, and those on top never quite get over the edge of it all, been pulled down by their mates back into the pot.

The analogy may need some work, but it's a working metaphor.

Arendt in her excellent piece stated that for the modern man to validate himself, he must apply himself thus to the public sphere. The private sphere does not constitute action but rather mere behaviour. An analogy she draws is as thus:

A painter of unfathomable skill paints alone, he is imprisoned by his own accord or otherwise, and his works are never exhibited. He gains from his creative current a great multitude of pleasures, from the joy of creation to the ecstasy of surveying his deeds. However, these works however powerful, however great, even if the painter were to auction them to private sellers who then appreciates them in their own abodes – are no actions but merely behaviour.

Thus, to be man of action in the modern world is to be a man of the public. The worth of life accumulated by one in our short existence should be measured by our contribution to the public, the critique that we receive, and the legacy that we leave.

Of course I am hardly seeking to explode from my bunker like an ICBM and light up the sky, but I am seeking in my own way to make my interests public ones. Running games for kids and the like at the local store, doing a little community service here and there, and writing for publication. As such for this year's National November Writing Competition, I am going to write about the most affluent Crab-pot in the history of the world.

Shanghai 1921 – 1938 – A Crab-pot not only in name, but built on a marsh by every colonial nation in the world on the backbones of the oldest nation in history.

Friday, October 9, 2009

The Life and Death of Chilli Spanner Crab


So I decide that its time I did some cooking other than the usual salad and steak. Had a look online for some recipes, see how things differed from each nation and culture, and embarked on the journey to make Chili Crab. Mud Crabs been a stable diet of most Asians, I decide to make Asian dishes with Australian produce. One such produce is alien and strange looking spanner crab.


Species Info

Spanner Crab

Ranina ranina
Description, Location, Habitat and Harvesting Information
Available wild-caught, these marine dwellers are found from close inshore to at least 100m, usually buried in sand from where they attack small bottom-dwelling fish. Their long, almost goblet-shaped, bright orange shells (even when uncooked) and spanner-shaped front claws are quite distinctive. Found around most of the Australian coast from NSW north to southern WA, they are caught commercially, mainly using dillies, but also as a bycatch of Prawn trawling, off southern Queensland and northern NSW. The fishery has increased greatly since the early 1980s.

Season
Available from January to October, peaking from July to October with the fishery closed for most of December.

Size and Weight
Commonly about 8.5cm in carapace width and 400g, but can grow to 15cm and 900g.

And what I failed to read erg ><

To Cook
The shell is burgundy-orange even when uncooked, turning a brighter orange when cooked. Average yield is 25% (from claws and body). The flesh is translucent when raw and white when cooked, it has a distinctive, sweet flavour, low oiliness and is soft and moist. The most humane, and easiest, method of killing any crustacean is to chill it in the freezer for about 45 minutes until it becomes insensible (but not long enough to freeze it). Once chilled, it should be killed promptly by splitting in half or dropping into rapidly boiling water. See www.rspca.org.au for more details.

Anyway, Molly and McRoy were pretty darn lively, and as I read the preparation guides for Spanner Crabs on my iphone, I noted the following line. "Twist the limps off to avoid tissue damage". Jesus I thought to myself. Meanwhile Molly squirmed in the sink trying to escape. Its times like these that I can really relate to what the vegans are always saying about animal cruelty because basically, to put it in District 9 terms…

  1. Twist off claws
    1. A ghastly popping sound as Molly squirmed in my hand, it would be screaming in agony if it could make a sound. Bubbles foamed at his mouth while he writhed like a snake in my hand. When the claw came loose a gush of liquid usually kept internal within the crab ran all over my hand, a milk texture with the smell of sea salt. The low limbs of Molly clawed and struck the empty air as I made my move against his remaining claw. Its beady little prawn eyes looking for release from the pain but the worse is yet to come.
  2. Take off Top shell
    1. McRoy was probably in shock from the pain of having his limbs removed by blunt trauma. I felt a gut wrenching sense of guilt at this time, so I tore with quick motion the plates protecting his low abdomen and wedged a finger between the back cartiledge and the main body. Then with one long heave I ripped the shell from him in one big pull. The sound was akin to air been released from a vacuum seal as the shell came off and a hand full of entrails, lungs and other blue red bits poured down the crab. I immediately took my cleaver and took it apart head first. The process took a few seconds, but damn it felt like a lifetime.
  3. Clean Entrail
    1. Tearing off the lungs and cleaning the flesh and carcass significantly easier without the Molly thrashing in my hand. Damn.


Slightly batter in fine protein flour, stir fry in hot oil for 5 minutes, added chili, garlic, ginger and keep turning for one minute. Then add fish sauce, tomato paste, sweet chili sauce turn until mixed. Then add basil and coriander, turn until mixed. Closed lid for one minute and presto, delicious chili crab.

Good work Molly and McRoy, mum loved your succulent flesh!

Monday, October 5, 2009

Equality Lost in Equality Row

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Pasta is a poor Asian's Ramen


To be perfectly honest, the occasions when I have had a truly satisfying ramen are far and few in between. However, out here in the westward way the the suburbs with our derelict cars and mullet haired ethnics, there is one substitute for the lack of ramen that I am glad for.

This is of course, pasta.

The concept is the same. Topping, Sauce/Soup, Noodles. Rather than buckwheat noodles (Soba), milled flour noodles (Mein), udon noodles, egg noodles, fried noodles, soy noodles, vermicelli noodles (Phen`) and rice noodles (Pho`), you have spaghetti, fettuccine, macaroni, bucatini, etc.

So it is with the craving for ramen that I so frequently go to pasta shops for my dose of noodles and sauce, hungrily jamming wads of tomato and basil coated carbohydrates down my pie hole.

Getting together a few of my close mates, we went to a locally well known restaurant called Le Porchettas. The pasta there was quite nice, I would even say al’donte`. For the price that you are paying to eat there, the food is most definitely worthwhile. The servings are good, the sauce is robust, and the toppings are generous. I had the Carbonara Gnocchi, and the sauce to my surprise was not powdery but actually creamy and delightful. Earlier I had the Marinara Spaghetti and it too was delectable, with a health helping of seafood and impressive amounts of prawns and mussels.

As such for a mere $13 - $15 AUD, it’s quite a decent bang for buck. The shop settings are simple but effective, clearly catering for middle class faire and families. The waitress was quite attentive and friendly for a family restaurant, and even made some recommendations and stopped for a chat.

The Veal (right) was however judged by our mate to be 'dry' and 'un-inspirational'. Not surprising as deep frying a succulent steak in a family restaurant, not to mention then throwing it in the pizza oven would kill any tenderless the meat originally may or may not have possessed.

In other news (and also in code ^.^), seeing that our luncheon was a gathering of titans, it was inevitable that we would assail Mount Olympus. However, much like any Greco-Roman drama it was doomed for the inevitable tragic end. After much debate and construction about the clear and distinct lack of efficacy regarding the US Medicare system, and the poor padding made by the inadequate cover it provided, the verdict was Clintonesque, and this punter resigns to never again engage in open debate about socialised Medicare ever again.

Back to the matter at hand.
This would be my dollar for flavour pick of the week.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Food in da Vietnam and Cambodia


I happened upon a lot of photos of the food and drinks I had while in Vietnam. Seeing as this is as much of a food blog as anything else, of course I will oblige with these rather special and delicious choices of yum-yums.

If there is one thing that truly rocked about the food and drinks of Cambodia and Vietnam, it’s the abundance of fruit crushes. Every thing we had was very fresh and extremely authentic in taste, consistency, and actual fruit (as opposed to bad fruit + condensed juice + ice ala every crush selling place in Australia) some selections are below. One strange oddity was that there was no milk in the country, and almost all drinks used long life milk or condensed milk - making for some very, very sweet coffee indeed.

To quote a colleague of mine, food in Cambodia is ‘oh my god, this tastes like crap, what meat is this?’ This was true, as the flavour was robust and the use of spices liberal, but the quality of the meat was so bad that I could not actually stomached a dish of Luk-Luk beef because the semi rare flesh looked less than fresh. Added to the fact that Australia produces some of the finest beef in the world, and that Cambodian’s idea of a butcher is a cart swarming with flies in forty degree heat in the middle of market square…

I think my other mate had the right idea when he stuck to curry, because our young ward was struck down with a stomach bug so very soon after our arrival. Luckily this punter’s guts are lined with manly Australian corrugated iron from all the mercury in our meat pies.

The food however was disappointing. No restaurant bar the pho` ones we visited could put out a consistent service or flavour. There were almost no foods that were so delicious as to be unavailable here in Australia.

When we arrived at Cat-ba Island, there was an absolute abundance of seafood, so much that my mouth watered and eyes squinted at the alien crustaceans I would soon devour en-mass. However to my horror and amazement, there were plenty of produce but one common theme – the utter lack of chefs.

It would seem that there is an almost derelict lack of high level chefs and even country fare cooks in the over populated tourism city of Cat-Ba. We were only staying for one night, and after surveying about ten or so restaurants, they seemed to share one common theme. All seafood were either boiled or cooked in a broth. There was no French Fusion Crab Curry. There were no Dry Chili and Spice Crabs. There was no Ginger and Shallot Crab with Friend Egg Noodle base. There only thing that did not involve a large boiled crab was variations of lemongrass, mint, coriander, basil, and fish sauce. While in Australia the Vietnamese fusion restaurants were doing so well that I was utterly shocked to find in Vietnam, tradition ruled.

Now for both countries, the street food is the highlight. The subsequent renal kidney failure is one of many disadvantages that may occur. Here are some highlights of the food we had. (Did not blog at the time, so pics not withstanding)

1. Pho` - I never realized pho was a breakfast food. Now I know. Almost daily we had the delicious and delectable pho from the local street stalls and restaurants. There is few things I have had in my long life of eating that could equate to the fresh taste of silky flowing Pho freshly made and swimming in a clear but rich soup of beef broth,. The meat was subpar as always, but the sheer delight of the noodles made my day each morning.

2. Pork Pho` from central Vietnam – worthy of mention because this was made from thick gelatinous noodles similar to Udon. It was also cooked using clear pork soup (an extremely difficult feat for those who tried making pork soup before), and served with slices of pork hock (front paw). The result is a chewy and delicious combination entirely different to traditional Pho`.

3. Vietnamese Spring Rolls – there is something about deep friend rice paper and the combination of mince, carrot, celery, rice noodles, and fish sauce that really kept us eating this artery buster daily for about a month. By the ends of which despite 5 – 6 hours of walking per day, I actually put on some weight. It is quite delicious though, the fact that oil used to cook this was probably never changed in the month and month made this a cancer inducing roll of tiny delicious death.

4. Vietnamese Pork Rolls – after our ward falls to stomach bugs, my other two companions refused to eat food off the streets. I was undeterred and gun it with all I got. The result was a discovery of the most delicious bread rolls. Freshly baked French style (hard bread, hi heat oven, crusty on the outside and soft within) with cured roasted pork (get it before 10 am to ensure fresh slices), pickles and vegetables. The ingredient that really made it (or gave my friend gastronomic acrobatics) was the preserved liver sauce, ala pâté` of pork that smeared the bread and gave it a robust, fortified and unforgettable taste of pure bliss. I love Viet bread rolls, I love it here, but the ones in Vietnam really rocked your taste buds.

There were probably more isolated cases of delicious food, but overall our experience culinary was a little disappointing seeing as we knew no locals, and the tourist packed places we visited all had little more than tourist faire. If and when I visit again, I am going to get a list from the parents of my students and do a systematic gastro workout of the area.